Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
