Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
