Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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