she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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