these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
