why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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