I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize