I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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