You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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