I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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