on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
