quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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