If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
