I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
