Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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