dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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