So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
