You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
