If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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