Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
