I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
