Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize