dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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