i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
