dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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