she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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