Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
