Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
