i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
