Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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