if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
