So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
