I think I died a long time ago.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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