Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
