don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
