They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.