Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.