At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
