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Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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