So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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