So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
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Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?