Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My balls are so social today.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
