he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
