i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You are a booty call, not a friend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
