and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
