she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
