I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
