Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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