I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
