just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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