dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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