Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
