spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
