By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
