he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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