Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
