I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
