Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
