My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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