You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
