I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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