4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
