Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
