god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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