The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
