i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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