seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
