i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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