I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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