Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
