Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
