dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
