I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
