seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
