True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
