he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
