It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
