I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
