No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
