Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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