You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
