At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
