He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
