Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
