Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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