dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I need to stop coming to work sober
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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